One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at mailto:beth@ticktockcoaching.co.uk and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit http://www.ticktockcoaching.co.uk/ for more information about my coaching services.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

What if you don't want children but your husband or partner does?

Last week, I received an email from a reader of this blog.  She has found the blog really helpful but was hoping for more information and writing about women who don't want children but their husband or partner does.   She raised an excellent point as I have more often explored the subject of when women want children but their partner/husband doesn't.    This is also where the emphasis is placed in media articles who are looking at this topic.

But I do regularly get clients who don't want children or aren't sure if they want children but who are feeling pressure from partners who do want children. In fact, I'd say that I've seen an increasing number of women in this situation.  So I will be exploring this issue over the next few weeks.

It's a particularly difficult issue for women because women are physically more involved via pregnancy and women are generally more responsible for child-care duties.  Whereas a man might take the attitude that they can be a father and be somewhat more removed from the process, this isn't possible for a woman.   So what keeps a woman from simply saying 'no, I'm not going to have children?'    I know from the clients I've worked with that there are several key reasons:

  • Having a certain amount of doubt whether they really don't want children OR whether there is a fear or anxiety if they overcome would allow them to make the decision.
  • Feeling guilty.  Many women who come to me feel guilt around not being able to give their partner or husband what would make them happy.
  • Fear that the relationship will end if they say this.
  • Having a small amount of desire to have children OR having a knowledge that they might enjoy having children or a family.
In my next post, I will look at the process of working out what to do if you are in this situation.

Monday, 20 August 2012

Some of the coaching clients I work with are leaning towards not having children but are often concerned about whether they would regret not having children or that they would be seen as strange or 'different'.  Even in 2012,  there are still not many childfree role models for women who are exploring this decision. That's why I thought this article where the voices of people who are positive about being childfree was great.  It's really important that a number of voices are heard and people can see that they have real choices.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/06/14/choosing_to_be_child_free_there_are_other_kinds_of_babies_.html


Advice on wanting a child when your husband doesn't

Here is some advice given to two women who want children but their husbands don't.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/48702734/ns/today-relationships/t/-second-therapist-i-want-kids-my-husband-doesnt/#.UDIuDKPAFTg

This is one of the most difficult issues to deal with - the ability to remain calm and centred is crucial to anyone in this position. Get clear about what you really want AND at the same time what you are prepared to let go of.  Sometimes, there is no ideal solution - and it might not be possible to have both the relationship and the child.

Sunday, 12 August 2012

How having or not having children impacts on happiness later in life

I've been away for the last few weeks - enjoying visiting family and friends in Canada where I'm originally from.  So apologies for the lack of blog posts!

I think I might have referred to this study a couple of years ago but it is worth repeating.  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/05/070511080340.htm

Basically, researchers found that a greater impact on women's happiness later in life than whether she had children or not was whether women were in relationships of not.  Interesting article!